Wednesday, December 24, 2008
Green is Not My Color
I just found out MFL is pregnant and when she told me, I was happy for her, but at the same time, I was so jealous it made my stomach ache. Ever since my pregnancy and all the assorted crap that came with it, I have a really hard time being around pregnant friends. I think I'm just resentful that they all seem to have a better time of it than I did. My pregnancy was by no means the worst, before I start taking flack for being a whiner, but it was one of those "I did everything right and still got sick" things. I quit smoking, watched what I ate, took up walking, read all the books, kept all my appointments, and I still ended up being hospitalized with pre-eclampsia and having to deliver early by emergency C-section( which I DID NOT want at all). Then my friend got pregnant and didn't do any thing (i.e.- kept smoking, worked three jobs, didn't see a doctor) and managed to deliver a full term perfectly healthy baby naturally in just under six hours. It's hard for me not to feel resentful of that. I know, I know, some women are just naturals at the whole baby thing, but still, it's such a pain to be happy for them all the time. At this point, I'm really worried that it'll be too much and I'll let my own crap get in the way. Maybe I should seek counseling. Pray for me, and her. I'm pretty sure we could use it.